This one-of-a-kind workbook streamlines the divorce process This completely unique guide helps anyone –even someone enduring a not-so-easy split–create a complete, accessible record of absolutely everything needed to confidently tackle, organize, and prepare for the legal, emotional, and financial aspects of divorce. Family attorney Brette McWhorter Sember’s The Divorce Planner & Organizer includes:Suggestions for selecting an attorney and getting the most legal help for (more…)

Meredith, 30, had been married to Ralph, 32, for more than six years. She was a stay-at-home wife and he was a top business executive. Ralph’s work has kept him so busy that he really thinks that he has no time to start a “family.” His frequent business travels have kept him away from home several days, and even weeks at a time. Like a typical workaholic, Ralph has made same mistake committed by many career-driven husbands — neglecting his wife. This situation has even made Meredith think that Ralph and really married to his career and not to her. Meredith and Ralph had been fighting more than ever before and it was pretty obvious that there was already a serious problem with their marriage. She accuses him of being cold and indifferent, and he accuses her of being a nagger. All their marital woes have caused them enormous stress and anxiety.

Aside from financial trouble, infidelity, and problems with the in-laws, many marriages suffer from the simple lack of communication. Like Meredith and Ralph, many couples fail to resolve their problems early on. As a result, couples grow further apart and are left to struggle with their respective anger and frustration. Instead of speaking with each other as adults, many couples resort to withdrawal or the “silent treatment.” In many cases, couples have already formed the way they communicate based on how their own parents communicated with each other. A person who grew up with parents who constantly fight has the tendency to be argumentative too. A person who was raised by parents who ignored each other whenever they had problems may have the tendency to ignore his partner and his own problems in marriage.

It is said that it takes two to tango and it takes two to argue. But many marriages end up in separation or divorce precisely because the couple even evades quarrels and just chooses to ignore their problem. With mutual “silent treatment,” a couple denies their own opportunity to discuss and hopefully resolve their problem. And when they do talk, the couples would often just exchange accusations and even hurl invectives at one another.

Many women complain that men are so cold, indifferent, and insensitive to their needs and to the issues that affect their relationship. They say that men spend too much time at the office and neglect their duties as husband and father. Women feel angry when men go home only to spend time in front of the t.v. or go out to have drinking sprees with their friends. Men, on the other hand, complain that women are so boisterous, jealous, and nag all the time.

So, how can men and women in marriage deal with their marital problems? The first step that couples should take is to improve the way how they communicate with each other. Shown below are some of the ways how couples can improve their communication skills in marriage:

10 Ways to Communicate Effectively

1. No name calling and don’t make any threats.
2. Don’t interrupt when your spouse is still speaking.
3. Don’t dominate the discussion and stay on the same topic or issue at hand.
4. Listen and pay attention to what the other is saying.
5. Respect each other and be prepared to make changes in the way you think, feel, and behave.
6. Avoid mentioning or bringing up past mistakes and old resentments.
7. Don’t assume too much that you know what your spouse is thinking or feeling.
8. Don’t presume that you’re always “right” in any argument.
9. Try to meet half-way or compromise.
10. Be honest and acknowledge the validity and importance of each other feelings.

Many couples forget that simple affirmation or small acts of love and kindness can do wonders for their marriage. A warm hug or attentively listening to your spouse can bring back a semblance of peace, love, and respect in your relationship. Indeed, one of the keys to a lasting marriage is effective communication. Given enough time and lots of patience, any couple on the rocks can revive their marriage. It just takes a lot of listening and kind words to make your marriage a real match made in heaven.

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According to most relationship books, the key to a solid marriage is communication, communication, communication. Phooey, says John Gottman, Ph.D., author of the much-lauded Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. There’s much more to a solid, “emotionally intelligent” marriage than sharing every feeling and thought, he points out–though most couples therapists ineffectively (and expensively) harp on these concepts. Gottman, the director of the Gottman Institute, (more…)

Do you find that things would just be so much easier if your spouse would do things your way? Most of the time, this just isn’t the case.

So you married your complete opposite, your relationship is stressful and the two of you can’t even agree on what to have for dinner. Does this mean that for the rest of your life, you are subject to the painful battle of fighting over “your way vs. his/her way” unless one of you gives in?

No! There is no need to argue over “who does what which way”. And most importantly, neither of you need to change who you are.

You’re about to learn the single most important marriage saving tip that can drastically lower your stress with your spouse. If you understand what you and your spouse value in life, you can cut your relationship stress in half! (Like I did with MY wife!)

It’s true. I developed this marriage saving tip after using it to transform my OWN marriage. My 32 year marriage is PROOF that this marriage saving tip can work for YOUR marriage!

Okay, let’s get started…

The first thing you need to do is talk with your spouse about the things you passionately believe in…or feel strongly against.

You can start by discussing the little things in life that bug you (and no, I’m NOT talking about your spouse!)

Let me give you an example…

My wife absolutely HATES gum chewing. Now I’m not talking about people who silently chew their gum with their mouths closed, I’m talking about people who, when they pop a piece of gum in their mouth, EVERYONE knows it.

They pop their gum, smack and chew with their mouths wide open. Yes, I know it sounds trivial, but it absolutely drives her NUTS.

Now, if I didn’t know WHY this little pet peeve of hers drives her ‘up the wall’, I would simply think she’s crazy. I might even start becoming annoyed and aggravated whenever she starts to verbally attack the nearest “irritating gum chewer”.

Now here’s the part of this marriage saving tip that most people are not aware of…

EVERY one of your pet peeves, habits or BELIEFS are created by a memory or event from the past.

Take my wife for example. The reason she despises people who pop and crack their gum is because HER MOTHER would do it without any regard for her feelings…throughout her ENTIRE childhood. My wife hated it THEN and she still hates gum chewing TODAY. It simply brings back too many painful memories.

To her, a gum chewer might as well be scratching nails on a chalkboard or screeching a fork against a plate.

The main idea you should walk away with from this marriage saving tip is that you need to discuss with your spouse WHY you do things a certain way, WHY you hate certain things and WHY you love other things.

NOTE: Be sure to talk about the ‘problem areas’ in your marriage. That IS the point of this discussion after all. Give your spouse your perspective on ‘hot topics’ in your marriage which could be anything from punctuality, family values, religion, eating habits or even personal privacy.

Ask your spouse questions and have them do the same. Ask questions like…

1. “Honey, when you were young, did your mother or father have a problem being on time?”

2. “What happened in your childhood that makes you hate clutter and messes so much?”

WARNING: Don’t make this sound like an accusation! If you do, your positive discussion will be over!

When you ask your spouse these questions, s/he will probably struggle for words or not come up with an immediate explanation for WHY he or she does these things.

And that’s okay. Try to jog his/her memory by recalling your own memories about this subject…

For example:
“The reason I __ (fill in the blank) __ is because my parents __ (fill in the blank) ____ when I was a child.”

Remember: You and your spouse were shown how to live by your parents or guardians. They shaped most of what you value and believe in today. The point of this discussion is to understand WHY the two of you disagree on any given topic. This will help the two of you accept each other because you’ll no longer feel threatened by your very different values in life.

So there you have it. Use this marriage saving tip to get to the source of your problems instead of focusing on the ‘little issues’ (like gum chewing). If you don’t know which values are causing conflict in your marriage, you’ll never be able to truly resolve your disagreements.

When I finally understood WHY my wife’s values were so different from my own, the stress in my marriage was DRASTICALLY reduced. I know you’ll find the same to be true when you put this marriage saving tip to use in your own marriage.

steps to save marriage

Rudy and Marjorie were on the verge of divorce. Married 12 years, they had constant verbal battles ending in what therapists call call emotional disengagement— meaning that they simply ignored each other for days on end.

Emotionally, they were simmering inside and also lonely for each other, but were unable to reach out and communicate these feelings. They were in a “cold war” with both waiting for the other to make the first move to melt the icy atmosphere.

This couple suffers a common marital malady—lack of skills to repair emotional damage done to each other. According to marital research, almost all couples fight; what often separates the “masters” of marriage from the “disasters” of marriage is the ability to repair the subsequent damage.

Acquiring good repair skills gives the couple a way to recover from the mistakes they may have made. These repair skills provide a“fix” for the damage caused in attempting to communicate to each other other in a way that caused emotional hurt to one or both of them.

It is common for partners to make relationship mistakes – after all, anyone can have a bad day, be under too much stress or just use poor judgment in dealing with a situation. Rather than emotinally disengaging from each other or staying angry, try to “fix it” if you are the offender.

And if you are the receiver of the damage, your challenge is to find a way to accept your partner’s repair attempt— that is, to see your partner’s repair attempt as an effort to make things better.

REPAIR TOOL Tool #1— Apologize.

A simple sincere and heartfelt apology can sometimes do wonders for a relationship, especially if your partner sees you as a person who never admits they are wrong or at fault.

Say things like: “I’m sorry; I apologize;What I did was really stupid; I don’tknow what got into me.”

REPAIR Tool #2— Confide Feelings.

Be honest and share the feelings that are underneath the anger such as fear, embarrassment, or insecurity. Your partner may respond to you quite differently if they see those other emotions, instead of just the anger.Confiding what is in your heart and in your mind can make a huge difference in promoting understanding, closeness, and intimacy.

Say things like: “I was really afraid for our daughter when I got so angry;I didn’t want to hurt you; I just lost my cool.”

REPAIR TOOL #3—Acknowledge Partner’s Point Of View.

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with it; just acknowledging it can decrease tension and conflict because it shows your partner you are at least listening to them. It also demonstrates empathy—the ability to see things from their vantage point instead of only yours.

Say things like: “I can see what you mean; I never looked at it that way.”

REPAIR TOOL #4— Accept some of The Responsibility For The Conflict.

Very few conflicts are 100% the fault of either partner. Instead, most conflicts are like a dance with both of you making moves to contribute to the problem. Inability to accept any responsibility is a sign of defensiveness rather than the openness required for good communication.

Say things like: “I shouldn’t’ have done what I did; I guess we both blew it; I can understand why you reacted to me that way.”

REPAIR TOOL #5— Find Common Ground.

Focus on the issue at hand and what you have in common rather than your differences. For instance, you might both agree that raising healthy children is a common goal even though you differ in parenting styles.

Say things like: “We seem to both have the same goal here; we don’t agree on methods but we both want the same outcome.”

REPAIR TOOL #6— Commit To Improve Behavior.

“I’m sorry” doesn’t cut it if you continually repeat the offensive behavior. Backup words with action. Show concrete evidence that you will try to change.

Say things like: “I promise to get up a half hour earlier from nowon; I’ll call if I’m going to be late; I’ll only have two drinks at the party and then stop.”

save marriage from divorce

If you need marriage help, don’t make the mistake most people do. Don’t talk to a member of the opposite sex about it unless that person is functioning in a professional capacity.

For example, a woman believes her husband doesn’t give her as much attention as he should. She should never talk to a male coworker about the situation even if he is considered to be a dear friend. If he is sympathetic to her and they grow closer, more marriage problems are sure to follow. Depending on the workplace, conversation about the woman’s situation might even be misconstrued as sexual harassment which is never appropriate in the work place.

The best person to discuss marriage help with is your spouse. If that just is not possible – either because your spouse is not willing or because there is a chance you might be harmed for trying to talk about your problems and concerns – talk with a trained professional. Visit a counselor or minister to talk about your marriage problems. They are trained to look at situations objectively and know how to maintain your confidentiality.

If you do not have a minister or know a counselor, you can find one discreetly by looking at your local phone book. Search under “counseling” or “marriage counselors” to find several to call. Some communities may even have counseling services free of charge for some situations. If you have a close friend you can confide in, ask if they have heard anything about the counselors you find. At work you can always pull that “a friend of mine is looking for a counselor. Have you heard of any?” trick.

If the advice you receive from the minister or counselor does not strike a chord with you, go somewhere else. That does not mean that if the advice is not what you want to hear, to leave it behind, however. When you seek help for your marriage, you need to be open minded enough to accept that some of the responsibility or blame may be your own.

Remember, the first step to solving any marriage problem is to seek help. If you and your spouse both agree, try going to a counselor together. The professional may prefer to see you individually after an initial meeting with the two of you together. If you are both willing to find marriage help, you will need to be accommodating and adaptable as you work through your problems and the counseling process.

how to fix a marriage

Use these secrets of a happy marriage to help save your marriage!

Never ever fight!

Disagreements can sometimes be healthy in a relationship if done once in a while. Never allow fighting to eat away your relationship. In fighting, both parties lose the fight. No one ever wins.

Fighting can be damaging. It involves emotions. When emotions get involved, you may say harmful things that you really dont mean to say, and unfortunately whats done can never be taken back.

As much as possible, avoid getting into a heated argument. A fight can easily damage a marital relationship. The fight may start over an unimportant matter and before you both know it, it soon escalates into an exchange of offensive words.

Always remember the Law of Harvest. Dont continue to sow seeds of you always or you never into your relationship so that you will not reap it. Whatever you focus on and hear over and over again becomes a reality.

Avoid using the following words:

You did it again!
When will you learn?
I cant believe this. I married someone whos not capable of doing things right.
This is such a mess!

Don´t pull out the big gun when argument progresses and emotions rise to the surface for the sake of winning. Don´t try to bring in the past. Let bygones be bygones forever. Stay out of it. Leave it where it belongs. Bringing up the past in an argument can add fuel to the fire. Focus only on the present situation no matter how difficult it is.

In a fight no one really wins because both parties lose the game. This affects closeness of the husband and wife. Gaps arise because of the fight. Your spouse will feel awkward when you are around after the fight. Fighting is really immature regardless of how old you are or how long you have been married. It is only natural for children but not for adults.

Treat your spouse the treatment he or she deserves. Be careful with the words that you use.

save my marriage

You’ve come to this site because your looking for someone to help you save your marriage. Many of us realize that marriage is not the easiest relationship in the world, but why is it so hard? Unless we adopt children, the only relatives that we get to choose are our spouses. Seems like it should work out, right? We can not change our parents or choose new siblings, but marriage– ahh that’s a whole different thing.

Marriage brings out the best and the worst in a person’s character and shows us what we are capable of doing, both positive and negative. This special relationship challenges our mental, spiritual, social, and physical selves. Unfortunately, the natural human reaction to hard or stressful situations is fight or flight.

So after a few major disagreements with a spouse, frustrated partners second guess their initial decision to wed. The wheels start turning, and the flight response to the stressful situation becomes more and more attractive.

But what can you do if the fires of passion have burned out and only angry ones remain? How can you keep your soul connection with your spouse even during times of conflict?

1. Confidence –  Have confidence in the decision that you have made. Then realize that just like you wouldn’t normally divorce your mom or dad when they get on your last nerve, divorcing your spouse shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind when he/she annoys or disappoints you you repeatedly. I know it’s hard, but it’s a key factor in the success of your marriage.

2. Respect – Make mutual respect a priority in your communication. If you find yourselves attacking each other personally, instead of discussing the pros and cons of a particular decision or action, then take a step back to reevaluate the situation. Choose words that reaffirm while getting your point across. For example, instead of saying: “I hate it when you don’t make time to be with me… the kids… etc.” TRY “Remember when we did XYZ? That was so much fun and the kids loved it too. Want to do it again?” SPOUSE’S REPLY HERE “Great! What date works for you?”

Additionally, don’t let other family members–kids, in-laws, steps, exes cloud your communication with each other. When they want to butt in, *respectfully* tell them to butt out. Then re-prioritize and refocus your attention on each other.

3. Listen – Listen even if you feel like you’ve heard the same statement hashed over and over again. Sometimes venting is necessary, and if your spouse can’t release his/her mental baggage with you, to whom will they voice their concerns? The lack of listening skills in marriage is one reason emotional infidelity gets started in the first place. If you take the time to listen now, you can avoid the headaches and heartaches associated with these extramarital relationships.

4. Rituals – Start a ritual just for the two of you. Ideally, you’ll both take time out to do it every day or a few times a week. Engaging in ritual behavior, like sharing coffee, watching funny movies together or taking walks, gives you something to look forward to and can help you build intimacy.

5. Spend More Time Together –  Consider an organized marriage retreat. Retreats are great because, the facilitators give couples helpful tools for communicating, relating and often mating. You’ll see other couples who are going through the same challenges, and you’ll have time to focus solely on your relationship. No work, no kids/in-laws, no well-meaning friends, and no focusing on the ills of life.

6.  Vacations – Finally, make a point to get away every once in a while. This idea dovetails from the previous suggestion, but this time you and your honey will be alone. Whether you get your kids out of the house for a weekend or you book a seven day vacation to the Bahamas, it is necessary for you and your husband or wife to have extended alone time without any distractions.

The above tips can really make a huge amount of difference when it comes to saving a marriage. With that said, though, we are only beginning to scratch the surface. Luckily, there are plenty of helpful guides on the internet which provide a more thorough approach to saving your marriage successfully.

The very best one of these guides is “Save My Marriage Today“. You can download it and beginning implementing the strategies straight away. If you’re truly serious about saving your marriage, get yourself a copy of “Save My Marriage Today“.

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help me save my marriage

Happiness and fulfillment are two great components of a successful marriage. The absence of which, along with other things, may eventually cause marital disasters. Therefore, it’s important to understand both of these things in order to learn how to avoid a divorce.

The most basic principle that marriage counseling teaches is to save an existing relationship from total destruction and to lead both of the couple back to the path of marital bliss. Though marriage counseling may work for some, the truth remains to be the truth- there are marriages that may never be saved.

For both conditions, there are corresponding reasons and factors. Many of these will be discussed in the succeeding paragraphs. But the bottom line for both factors is that the willingness of both parties to restore the broken relationship is actually the ultimate driving factor.

There are several reasons why couples seek marriage counseling. This is but natural, for there are endless possibilities why how people create conflicts in their marriages. Though it is widely accepted that all marriages are bombarded with difficulties some time in their lives, it is sad to note that many don’t seem to override them. And most drop into the pitfall of divorce.

The most natural conditions by which marriage counseling is often sought are when couples feel frustration, extreme sadness and severe hurt. These are frequently not new between the couples and had been growing around for years. Unfortunately, the only time that people enter marriage counseling is when the relationship is already on the edge of breaking down. This is reason enough why young couples or those that are yet starting to sense fraction in their relationship have the greater chance of fixing the marriage.

It is not wrong to aspire for happiness. But it is not often that way. To get rid of further troubles, it is wise to accept this reality and to work towards achieving happiness on a more sensible and realistic approach. Marriage demands hard work. It obliges the couple to commit themselves to the consequences of their relationship. They often need to suspend their egos and to drop down the claim for who is right to get around the issues that may send them shouting over dinners. Agreeing to drop the “who is right” thing is a crucial part of both the marriage and marriage counseling. Without this, everything may all be in vain.

It may have been observed that throughout this article, saving the marriage is only the central discussion. But how about for those couples who insist for divorce? Marriage counseling may also answer for that. However, it may be a much longer process, especially when children are at stake. If the marital relationship may not be saved, then the best solution to this is for the couples to transform into friends or willing co-parents towards the growth of their children. This way, pain may be lessened while contributing to a much constructive process.

During the stage of dissolution, extreme pain and other mixes of emotions may be felt. This state may be further aggravated by the obvious emotional and physical separation. For the majority of cases, this state may come to the level of mourning and distress. Marriage counseling may be of best help during this condition as it may help to bring out unexpressed emotions between the couples.

Once the signs of marriage destruction have made themselves transparent for the couples, it is best to seek marriage counseling in the earliest possible time. Or you might be too late to save the relationship.

how to avoid divorce

When people are told that they need to communicate more they often think that that is an open invitation to talk but there is a complete difference between talking and communicating. In fact, communication could be the key to learning how to stop a divorce.

Communicating is an art, and art of combining the ability to express your opinions and feelings in such a way as to ensure that the person or people you are talking to understand what you are trying to say with the ability to listen and understand another person’s point of view.

The number of times I have sat in a room, often in meetings and at conferences and I’ve just watched and listened to what is going on around me. It is totally fascinating when whole groups of people have no ability to listen to their colleagues, partners or friends and therefore cannot understand or comprehend any opinion other than their own.

What could have been covered in five minutes or learned in half an hour often takes hours or days just because people refuse to sit back, listen and understand.

Over the years it’s amazing the number of times people are provided with information that, if they acted upon, could totally alter a relationship, career or the success of a business. But, because the sheer lack of peoples ability to listen to and think through another persons point of view unique opportunities pass them by.

Relationships are no different to the work environment other than there are, usually, just two of you. Often, what could be a marriage made in heaven is destroyed by the sheer inability to communicate. The most successful relationships, be it business or personnel are those whereby both parties have strong verbal and listening skills.

Many relationship problems begin with poor communication. Couples often feel that their partner should know what they are thinking and how they feel so do not communicate and then wonder why they feel neglected and under valued.

How many people decide not to tell their partner something just because they don’t know how to say it and then the problem just eats away at the relationship until there is no relationship left? What a waste, just the sheer ability to share a problem can make what seemed to be an insurmountable issue a tiny little blip on a large horizon.

So whenever you feel stressed or don’t know what to do don’t just bottle it up, talk about it, seek advice and listen to the answer. Don’t keep quiet when you know in your heart a problem has to be aired and don’t put off until tomorrow what has to be sorted today. Tomorrow never comes!!

It is how you say something that will ruin a relationship and not what you have to say. The wrong way is just to blurt out something that you know will aggravate or distress your partner. The last thing you want is for them to get defensive, storm off or burst into floods of tears. You want the person you are trying to communicate with to be open and perceptive and in order to be able to achieve this, your timing and approach has to be right.

Every individual is different what will work with one person won’t necessarily work with another and with some people all you can do is sew the seed and then let them walk away and work it out for themselves.

One person I know never actually listens to anyone. She is one of those people who is always right no matter what, hasn’t a clue about being a team player and operates within a zero tolerance zone. Traditional approaches and method of reasoning just don’t work and alls you can do is plant the seed of thought which eventually develops into her, own acceptable idea.

Given peoples individuality you need to learn what, is the right approach for you and your partner. Make sure that you never start a discussion if you don’t have time to finish it, don’t insist on a debate when one of you is off out to work, dealing with the kids or just relaxing in front of their favourite TV programme. If the timing seems to be never right ask the question ‘when would it be a good time for us to just sit down and talk?’. Whatever you do, do not let yourself appear agitated either in what you say or how you say it. Body language can just as easily put your partner on the defensive as what you say to them. Even if your partner is vying for a fight just don’t react.

Remember, the first golden rule, approaching defensive with defensive is a sure way to failure.

One of the key ways to improve communication is to develop strong listening skills. Couples often fail to listen to what their partner has to say, interrupt and give the impression that no matter what is said they won’t change their mind. One trick to ensure that you have listened and you do understand is to repeat what you have heard. This will demonstrate that you have listened to what was said and by repeating it back you have the opportunity to comprehend and understand.

How often do we try and work through a problem and it’s only at the point we are explaining the issue to someone else does the magic light bulb switch on which enables us to come up with the answer.

If you are taking an exam would you expect to know everything just by being told it once? For most people I would say not. We have to work at it and work at it hard.

No one ever said marriage would be easy it’s just another lesson we have to learn as we experience life but if you want to save your marriage and make it even more special than it was before then there is very little to stop you.

Relationship problems can lay heavy on your mind, become a burden and what was originally a small issue can develop into an insurmountable mountain.

If you begin to feel that marital issues are beginning to weigh heavily on your mind, take a break and do something you enjoy and preferably with your partner. If you can refocus your attention of the better things in life, day to day issues always seem that much smaller. Spending a little time together and enjoying each other’s company could enable you and your partner to recapture some of the feelings that have been lost through constant arguing and help you regain a positive perspective on your relationship.

Just one last word of advice, when you are feeling down and feel you no longer want to save your marriage just remember that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

If you believe you have financial issues now what do you think it will be like when you split your assets, if you feel you don’t have time to do things what will it be like when you are on your own or worse a single parent and if you feel lonely now how will you feel when every time you walk in your front door all’s you have is your own company. Now none of these thoughts have been aired to encourage you to stay in a bad relationship but rather to make you consider whether or not yours is as bad as you think.

You are the master of your own destiny and if you want to turn a bad marriage around you have the power at your fingertips.

how to stop a divorce